I’m at this stand still. Or so i think?!

Okay– let me just say i love my life!! i love my husband my daughter my apartment, i am generally and overall happy. So now that that’s out there because i do not want anyone thinking I’m ungrateful.

Obviously its hard times for Americans, and we are no exception in this matter. Mr.Man just graduated college and is trying to find a good job. But its not like that is easy. So its stressful. And i have opted to not work or go to school until our daughter is a bit older. (she’s almost 5 months) why you ask?! well, its really quite complicatedly simple!!

A.Even if i did work some dead-end minimum wage job that i hated and wished every minute to be back home with my daughter, i would only make enough to pay for her daycare (if that).

B. I do not want to send her to daycare. Don’t get me wrong i have nothing against anyone who sends their children to daycare i just don’t want to. if anything I’d want someone i knew watching her, like my mother or my mother-in-law. (i hate calling her that. there is such a bad image that comes with mother-in-law and she is the best)

C. whats the point of going to work to help pay the bills if we are only going to add another one (daycare) and therefore my crappy job would barely pay for that.

So we have prayed and deliberated and decided, that i will be a stay at home mom for now. I would love to go back to college, but then of course I’d have to go to school and work. So for now, college and work is not in the cards for me. Did i mention i never ever thought I’d be a stay at home mom. i mean really i just knew i was gonna be the working type. Funny how things change isn’t it?

But now that I’ve been out of work and school for this long i feel so… out of touch…okay no! not the right words. i don’t know i just feel like everyone is moving forward, and i’m just kinda hanging around. so lately things have been getting more tight, so i think i will be looking for some sort of weekend job. which i am excited and not so excited about.

Why?? well is it not obvious?!! i like staying home with my daughter 24/7. i am sooo terrified i will miss something. but, at the same time i need a little break. SO i guess we will see how this how works out.

I am hoping when she is a year or so i can start nursing school. i was gonna start a few months back, but i simply don’t have the heart to leave her with anyone else that much. especially now, i mean i want to be the one to see her do all her “FIRSTS”.

So i am very thankful i get to be a stay at home mom, but i will be looking forward to when i get to start being productive with my life.

well, i think i got out what i wanted to and rambled enough that its time to go.